


Confused and Clueless

by greatdumbking



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst?, Canon Era, Confused Merlin, M/M, Pre-Slash, fluff?, who knows really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:33:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatdumbking/pseuds/greatdumbking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin attempts to make sense of his relationship with Arthur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confused and Clueless

 

He sees Gwaine making a strange face at him, wiggling his eyebrows and pointedly looking from him to Arthur. This makes him smile, but the type of smile that is layered with emotion. He is half-way to laughing because Gwaine looks downright hilarious, but his mind is somewhat restrained from joining in with the laugh because of the strange feeling the implication of the joke brings. He's been here before. He's been over it in his head far too many times to count.

And yes, it's a funny joke to imply that he and Arthur are, you know, well. That they _like_ each other. But Merlin's not so sure it's only a joke. It's difficult really, to have to deal with this spinning round his head every time he sees Arthur undressed, or smiling at him. He's constantly asking himself _'what is this im feeling? Friendship? Something different?'_ And it is just downright exhausting.

Most of the time, he thinks in his bed when the candles go out and he is not yet sleeping. He turns it round in his head.

_Today he was smiling, and he called my name twice. He laughed at three of my jokes._

These thoughts would make him smile. He would catch himself, though, and try to figure out why. Sometimes he was convinced he liked the prince _that way_ and sometimes he was convinced that he doesn't. That he was just happy that such a friendship could exist between them.

But one thing was certain. He got jealous.

Seeing Guinevere in Arthur's chambers made him feel _weird_. He had a faint urge to punch something whenever he walked in on them doing nothing more that talking. He didn't like the feeling. Like his chest could cave in and his entire self disappear. This- he told himself- was not normal for 'just friends'.

But then again, he wasn't attracted to Arthur, although at times he would catch himself appreciating Arthur's aesthetics. He would test himself by thinking up scenarios where he, for whatever ridiculous reason, had to kiss the prince. He didn't like these scenarios. They were not appealing. And this- he told himself- was not normal for 'not just friends'.

What exactly did he want from Arthur? He had no idea. He just knew that he valued the prince more than he knew he could value anyone. And he would be happy to keep living this way as long as he could continue whatever it was they were doing.

He hoped at least, because thinking about this stuff was hard enough. _Imagine living it._

So here he was. Helping an injured Arthur back from the training ground with the knights as Gwaine was making obvious gestures that suggested Merlin's care for Arthur was going past strictly duty. Arthur had fallen and strained his ankle. Nothing to worry Gaius about, they just needed to get him rested back in his chambers.

When they reached the stairs to his chambers, the knights went down the other corridor to the changing room, and Merlin took on the task of getting Arthur up the stairs. He placed his arm around Arthur's waist and told his mind to _shut up_. His heart didn't get the message, and something in his chest tensed.

"Not so mighty now, are we Arthur?" He said with confidence. He had been noticing that witty comments were his first instinct when something strange was happening. Not a bad instinct to have. He grinned up at Arthur with a stupid grin that he hoped showed Arthur that everything was normal. Nothing weird here.

"Shut up Merlin."

Now that the knights were gone, Arthur was showing a lot more pain on his face. Merlin toned down the grinning.

"Is it really bad?" he asked, making sure to sound genuine so that Arthur would know his previous comment was just a joke.

"I need rest that's all"

They reached the top of the stairs and made their way to the room, where Merlin helped Arthur lay down.

" Do you want me to go get some pain medicine from Gaius?" Merlin asked as he began to untie Arthur's boots.

That was a dumb question, Arthur would never admit to needing help for such a small injury.

"Would you mind?" Arthur replied tentatively, to Merlin's surprise. It was entirely uncharacteristic of him. But then again, Merlin had been noticing the gradual change in Arthur's behaviour around him. He supposed they'd almost died in each other's presence countless times that Arthur was no longer concerned with showing weakness. Merlin didn't mind. He thought it made him special.

_Not as special as Gwen._

Shut up.

Merlin smiled at Arthur and went to get Gaius muttering something about the prince being a wimp as he left the room loud enough for Arthur to hear. As he closed the door he thought he heard a thank-you, which made him feel nice inside. He'd just leave it at that.

Nice.


End file.
